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Sexual desire is often the result of a complex interplay of influences.
The balance of these different factors determines the frequency of the
sexual encounters and to some degree the intensity of the experience.
Hormones influence our sexual appetites. Their exact effects are not
completely understood. Out state of mind also has a definite influence
as well. Although genetics and hereditary are thought to have an
influence on libido, there is insufficient evidence to support this.
Here we will consider briefly the physical and psychological erogenous
zones that turn on sexual desire in both the male and the female.
Anatomy and sensitive zones
A woman knows herself, how she feels what she enjoys far better than any
outside person possibly could. By contrast to other things in life
everyone is an expert on sex, sexual preferences, responses and needs
especially if it is their own
Men may often wonder about a woman's sexual reactions and needs. Some of
them can only be answered by the woman herself. We would encourage men
to discuss these issues with their wife rather than mind reading. There
are many aspects of a woman's body that are sensitive to different types
of touch. The clitoris and the external structures are usually the most
sensitive.
There is a test you can do at home. Ask your wife if you can touch her
on the inside of the thigh with a pin. She will not feel pain but will
be aware of the pinprick sensation. It will probably be the same for
both thighs. As you bring the pin close and closer to her genitals, the
sensations will be different
As the pin is touched to the labia majora, the hairy area of the lips of
the vagina, the pinprick sensation will be slightly duller than on the
inside of the thigh. If the pin is touched to the inside of the small
lips, the labia minora, the vast majority of the women will not feel the
sharpness of the pin. Generally they are absolutely astonished to find
that the sensation is dull.
The inside of the vagina is even less sensitive. It registers heat,
warmth, stretch and constriction but the ability of the vagina to
perceive sensation is limited. In testing for the sensitivity from the
inner thigh to the inner genitals there is a progressive decrease in
feeling as you get closer to the vagina.
An easy way of locating the clitoris is to start with the minor lips or
the labia minora surrounding the opening to the vagina. At the top of
the lips, the two sides join in a V and blend right into the head of the
clitoris. One fork goes directly into the head of the clitoris and the
other extends to form the hood covering the clitoris. The clitoris is
especially very sensitive to stimulation.
In fact Freud had maintained that of the two types of orgasms that woman
could enjoy, (ie the clitoral orgasm and the vaginal orgasm), the
clitoral orgasm was the result of infantile or immature sexuality. This
spawned a whole generation of women who went to have psycho-therapy so
that they could enjoy "mature" sexuality by having vaginal orgasms.
Current attitudes no longer consider the above ideas as valid.
Generally the skin as a whole is sensitive to tactile stimulation.
Different individuals may experience different areas as particularly
sensitive and may respond appropriately. Many women experience the
breast and the nipples as being particularly sensitive. Some women may
even experience orgasms from breast stimulation alone.
The ear lobes are richly supplied with nerve endings and are another
area of great sensitivity in both male and females. Others enjoy anal
stimulation of sorts. While in somecultures and societies this is
considered taboo, illegal or immoral or even dirty, there are still some
who consider anal stimulation pleasurable.
It is important to observe rules of hygiene if anal stimulation is
considered as part of foreplay or as an main event itself. That is,
whatever areas of the anatomy are used to stimulate the inner walls of
the anal passage should be cleansed with soap and water before being
used again to stimulate the vaginal walls. This is because the micro-
organisms that are found in the anus can if transplanted to the vagina,
cause severe infection like cystitis or vaginitis
The "G" Spot
The G-spot or Grafenberg's spot is an area within the vagina that is
thought to be particularly sensitive. It is located a few centimetres
inside the opening of the vagina, behind the pubic bone and directly
over the tube that leads from the urinary bladder. Stimulation of this
area manually or with thrusting is reported to trigger orgasms and
female ejaculation.
Many researchers studying this area including Dr Theresa Larsen
Crenshaw, have performed anatomical and histological studies that
confirm that the Grafenberg's spot truly exists and is not a
mythological entity
It is difficult for a woman to touch the spot herself, but her partner
can easily reach it. If you wish to find it, the procedure is as
follows: Lie on your back and part your legs. Tell your partner to
insert his index finger into your vagina, palms facing upwards almost as
far in as it will go, curling upwards. Guide him by your sensations. Let
him explore until he locates a spot that feels particularly good.
It is important to remember that this stimulation will not feel
sensational. It will be a pleasant, subtle feeling. At a time of instant
gratification and unrealisticexpectations, it is useful to continue
these explorations with an open mind and minimal expectations. You may
feel discomfort, bladder pressure and the urge to urinate.
When he finds the Grafenberg's spot and massages the area, he may find a
swelling the size of an almond, growing to three or four times that
size. You may feel pleasant sensations.
Current investigations suggest that if this spot is stimulated
adequately, a woman will become orgasmic – often again and again . These
orgasms are associated with a newly defined phenomena called female
ejaculation
Male Anatomy and sensitive zones
Males are generally sensitive in all of the areas mentioned above
excluding the portions that involve the internal and external aspect of
the female genitalia. The areas that are unique to the males involve the
male genitalia as well as the prostrate reflex point. This can located
in the male in the fashion similar to that used to locate the Grafenberg'
Spot in the female via the anus. If you want to locate it, the procedure
is as follows: Lie on your back and part your legs. Tell your partner to
insert her index finger into your anus, palms facing upwards almost as
far in as it will go, curling upwards. Guide her by your sensations. Let
her explore until she locates a spot that feels particularly good.
Constant stimulation using gentle consistent pressure can intensify the
sensations of pleasure considerably. It will also initially make you
want to urinate It is advisable for the male to take an enema before
these explorations for obvious reasons of hygiene.
You on top (Recreation)
When you take the role of Big-O CEO, it's up to you to decide whether
you want to have an orgasm via your clitoris or G-spot
- both are
possible in this position. For the can't-miss clitoral orgasm, lean your
torso forward, arch your back, and keep your crotch close to the base of
his penis. Try using a rocking motion to maneuver his manhood instead of
ride-'em-cowboy body bucking. You should feel the firmness of his pubic
bone pressing right against your big-O button. And don't be afraid to
pull him upright into your arms for a special heart-to-heart moment. You
can also detonate a G-spot sexplosion by leaning back and resting your
weight on your hands while riding up and down on his penis. "It may take
a little practice, but this on-top technique is a good way to trigger an
internal full-body G-spot orgasm, " says Lou Paget, author of “How to Be
a Great Lover”. Bonus turn-on tip: Another impress-him maneuver is to
grip his penis and do a pelvic bump'n' grind.. To find your love
muscles, stop the flow of urine and notice which muscles flex. Do
several sets of 10 hold-and-release contractions of these muscles
throughout the day and, in a few weeks, you, too, will be able to give
him a lap dance like none other.
You sitting, Him standing (Recreation)
Doing it on a countertop - you're spread-eagled on a table while your
man faces you to thrust from the front - creates megaheat in a minimal
amount of time. He's sure to come quickly because he plunges deep, says
Anne Hooper, author of “The Great Sex Guide”. "Plus, men get off on the
novelty of doing it somewhere new - to them, out of the bedroom equals
no-holds-barred sex, " she adds.
You under him (Procreation)
And there's a reason it feels so effortless. Other physical rewards to
this coupling classic: nonstop kissing, touching, and eye-gazing. This
position has been likened to a whole body massage - inside and out. Both
partners can also feel every part of the other’s body - it's extremely
erotic. And don't mistake: Just because the missionary is ordinary
doesn't mean that it can't be extraordinary. Put some swivel in your
hips as he plunges in and out. That way you can be an active
participant, taking sexual control of your vaginal sensations while
you're on the bottom instead of just receiving what he gives. The
downside of the missionary: Some women have trouble climaxing because
the clitoris just doesn't get hit in the tried-and-true fit. Which
brings us to...
Cat position (Procreation)
The magic making-it method is called the coital alignment technique.
"It's simple, " says Edward Eichel, author of “The Perfect Fit. "The man
slides two to four inches forward from the typical missionary position,
" he explains. "Rather than resting on his elbows, his arms should cup
your shoulders so his body falls flat against yours, " Eichel says.
"Both of your spines should be straight." And the base of his penis
should naturally rub your clitoris. The next step to coital climax
involves some genital soft rock. "Your legs should be straight out and
touching his while you push your pelvis upward about two inches, "
Eichel explains. "He should push down gently to give a slight
counter-resistance. There is no in-and-out - it's an up-and-down rocking
movement." But since both sets of genitals are sharing such tight
quarters, it's extremely pleasurable for both of you. To bring him in
deeper, spread your inner thighs even wider and wrap your ankles gently
around his calves.
Doggy Style (Procreation)
Okay. You've probably heard of the G-spot but might not know what it is,
where it is, or how to get at it. "Your G-spot
is a quarter-size
supersensitive area behind the front wall of your vagina, about one-half
to two-thirds of the way in, " says Barbara Keesling, Ph.D., author of
“Super Sexual Orgasm”. And a little firm, well-placed stroking of this
pleasure place can open up a whole new orgasmic world. But not just any
position will do the G-spot job: For his penis to hit your hidden hot
spot, your vagina has to be precisely angled. And doggy-style
penetration fits the hit-the-spot bill perfectly, as some women will
swear to. Nor is this a ho-hum pose for the man. Plus, there's something
very primal about banging from behind that brings out the animal in even
the most mild-mannered guy. If you haven't discovered your
G-spot (keep
looking!) or if you're a big fan of clitoral tingles, coax his fingers
to do some walking. "Your lover can easily rub your clitoris while he's
thrusting, " Keesling encourages. He can also caress the nape of your
neck, your breasts, or wherever else you like."
Side by side (Procreation)
Consider it a horny holding pattern. "There's not a whole lot of motion
- that's why it delays climax, " says author Paget. But it's perfect for
erotic embraces and intimate eye contact. "A couple can feel very close
when they're facing each other in this position, " agrees Nitya Lacroix,
author of “The Art of Tantric Sex”. It's this kind of incredible
emotional ecstasy that makes you laugh, cry, and come all at the same
time. To up the intensity, get into a gentle pelvic rhythm (so he
doesn't go soft on you) and look into each other's eyes while taking
natural, deep breaths.
Sex positions that can increase or decrease your chances of conception.
Many experts suspect that the missionary position (man on top) affords
the best opportunity for baby-making, though no definitive studies have
been done on this question. This position allows for the deepest
penetration and, as a result, places sperm closer to the cervix. For
additional effectiveness, the woman can try elevating her hips with a
pillow so her cervix is exposed to the maximum amount of semen. For the
reader’s convenience, all the essential positions that facilitate
conception are labeled Procreation) Other possibilities (in case you get
bored):
Rear-entry, when the man enters the woman from behind, either lying down
or kneeling, can also deposit sperm close to the cervix and aid
conception.
Lying side-by-side — this can be a relaxing position (great for
promoting good sex) and easier on a partner who is overweight or has a
bad back — can also help with conception.
Some clinicians also believe that a woman can further increase the
likelihood of conception by remaining in bed for up to half an hour
following intercourse, preferably on her back and, again, with a pillow
under her pelvic region. In theory, this provides the sperm with
additional travel time up to the Fallopian tube along with help from the
forces of gravity. For women predisposed to getting urinary tract
infections and advised to go to the bathroom immediately after
intercourse, this is obviously not the best option.
And finally there is the issue of orgasm. His is an absolute necessity
for conception, and now new research shows hers may play a role, too.
The contractions that accompany the female orgasm may help carry sperm
further into the cervix.
What are the worst sexual positions for conception?
Experts recommend that you avoid having sex while sitting, standing, or
with the female on top. These positions defy gravity and may discourage
the upward mobility of sperm. For the reader’s convenience, all the
positions that do not facilitate conception are labeled (Recreation).
Suggestions: · Read these ideas together with your partner · Practice
these ideas with your partner · Talk with your partner about what was
exciting and scary about trying a new position · Remember the key to
these positions, besides having fun, is they help you develop trust
between you and your partner. To follow these directions and discover
ideas together takes practice and a good deal of cooperation. Through
the practice of these games, you may even learn something about your
partner and yourself. Sexual Positions *Ideal for new couples first
starting to have intercourse* Missionary Position :In the missionary
position, the person with a penis is on top and assumes the dominant
role. The other person who is on bottom assumes the passive role. (Each
person is lying down, stomach-stomach, face-to-face. Most people may be
able to remember using this position the first time they had sex or in
their early days of sexual experimentation.) It is one of the tried and
true methods for intercourse. Unfortunately, this position gets a lot of
bad press. It is considered 'gendered and old-fashioned". I believe this
is a great position. The person on top has a lot of control over the
degree of stimulation that they get and the person on bottom can easily
increase their sexual pleasure by masturbating while simultaneously
having intercourse. If the partner on top is especially coordinated,
she/he could also help masturbate the person on bottom. Some of the
techniques used to create an intimate environment are eye-to-eye
contact, guiding your partners hip movements with your hands, massaging
your partner's neck/back, nibbling the other person's ears, necks or
lips. And of course, whispering something that only your partner can
understand. Sexual Positions *For the creative couple who want a new
sensation* A slightly more technically advanced position, than the basic
missionary position . . . for the adventuresome couple only. The person
on bottom and the person on top switch leg positions. The person on
bottom closes their legs (in the missionary position, the legs straddle
(the person on top)). The person on top straddles the legs of the person
on bottom. Visually, at least in my mind, it looks as if the person on
top is doing a wide-legged push up. The benefit of this position is
simple: for the person on top, additional stimulation to the penis/dildo
and for the person on bottom, additional sensations on the inner thighs.
Caution: the top position is (for a top that desires) a good physical
workout. Expect to sweat. Sexual Positions *Ideal for a heavy-set
couple* A variation on the missionary position: The passive person sits
on the edge of a chair or bed, and the person with a penis kneels in
front of them. The person kneeling then uses his/her or hips to thrust.
Neither person is putting weight onto the other person. As the person
thrusting is perpendicular, his or her weight is used more efficiently.
Sex is exercise and does burn calories. While this position requires a
bit more co-ordination than the missionary position, it is often
considered less intimate. Face-to-face contact, and whispering become
less natural when not facing one another. However, this position does
allow for great foreplay. The person with the penis/dildo is in an
excellent position to explore their partner's genitals with their eyes,
hands or mouth. Sexual Positions *For the advanced, bored and/or
uninhibited couple* Instead of assuming the missionary position, where
the couple is head-to-head and toe-to-toe, one person should reverse
their position, so that the two of you will now be head-to-toe and
toe-to-head. Again, the difference between this position and the
missionary position is that this time, the partners face the opposite
direction of each other. Each person has a view of the other person's
feet. Make sure your feet smell good! The angle of entry is different
and often will require verbal communication. To make this work, the
person on bottom will need to arch her/his pelvic area (back flat
against the ground) and communication between the two of you will need
to be stellar. The angle of entry is very different than what most
couples are used to. I strongly suggest that the woman help guide the
penis with her hand into the correct position. This is a great position
for couples who want to try something new, and are prepared to make
fools of themselves and be comfortable laughing about how hard this
position makes lovemaking. P.S. while each of you are now facing each
other's clean toes, why not have a nibble? Some people love a nibble.
Sucking toes and massaging the insoles adds an extra stimulation which
can be very arousing. Sexual Positions *For a woman who wants to have
intercourse for the first time* Woman on top is recommended for women
who are having sex for the first time because it puts them in control of
the situation. The woman is in a position to engulf the penis at her own
rate of comfort. Of course the other person has some control of the
situation too because they are constantly talking/sharing feelings
throughout this whole experience. In this position, the person on bottom
should tilt her or his hips, back flat on the ground. This allows for an
angle that often many women enjoy. In this position, the person on top
often lies atop with her legs stretched out or bent. Sometimes, she may
sit straight up and slide up and down. Many women report that they
really like this position because of the added genital stimulation (the
vulva rubs up against the person on bottom's pelvic bone). In addition,
men (again, if they are coordinated) can stimulate their partner's vulva
(and/or breasts and/or other body parts) with their hands or women could
masturbate themselves while having intercourse. Many people on bottom
find this particularly pleasurable because of the added visual
stimulation of seeing her breast. For a woman who appears
self-conscious, I recommend telling the woman how much you are enjoying
the way she moves, and how good it feels. This may help her relax. As
she relaxes, she may start to enjoy herself more. Actually, this tip
goes to all people. Positive reinforcement of pleasurable
sensations/movements is a good way to encourage your partner to continue
whatever she/he is doing. Sexual Positions *For the couple who prefers
to sit* This position is for those people who enjoy slow motion sex. The
angle for intercourse is not conducive to vigorous thrusting. Position
the person with the /penis sits cross-legged on the floor. The woman
sits on top of him, with her legs straddled around him. They are sitting
face-to-face. This creates a perfect opportunity to hug for a few
minutes and be intimate. Be careful that you do not fall over! Sitting
on top of each other and maintaining stability is a formidable task for
most people. Some people prefer facing the same direction. This is
preferable for those who feel less coordinated or embarrassed. You do
not have to face the other person. But hey, if you can not laugh about
sex with your partner, are you ready to be doing what you are doing with
them? Sex is funny. Great chairs include rocking chairs, kitchen table
chairs and, of course, the chair in the office. Sex on a chair makes for
a good study-break. Sexual Positions *For the coordinated couple in a
rush* A true quickie, for the super coordinated couple-- try standing
and having sex. In the ideal world, both people would be of similar
heights, or one person could be strong enough to lift the other person
to reach the right level. Women need to tilt their pelvic, so that the
vagina is forward, and easier to access. The person with a penis either
need to squat a bit or have the woman be on a small stool. However, if
the woman is taller, then her partner may need to stand on the small
stool. This type of intercourse seems to work well on staircases in an
office building, down a dark alley, in the middle of a graveyard and
other such forbidden places. I highly recommend at least one person
wearing a skirt or some other such clothing, which will allow for easy
access. Sexual Positions * For the uncoordinated couple in a rush* The
woman puts her hands on a chair, desk, couch or wall, leans forward,
butt into the air. The person with a penis penetrates her from behind.
The woman will need to tilt her pelvic region to easy the entry of the
dildo/penis into her vagina. The person from behind can controls the
frequency of the thrusting. To help steady him, he/she can hold onto her
butt/hips and thrust. Often couples enjoy hard thrusting. This position
is much easier to achieve than the standard face-to-face position. This
position is great because in addition to intercourse, it allows the
person from behind to massage the woman's breasts, give big hugs and
even manually stimulate her vagina with his/her hands. This position can
also work well in a stairwell, in an office setting or in a graveyard.
It is easy to use this position to have a 'quickie'. Sexual Positions
*For the pregnant woman* This position, side-by-side is recommended for
the person who is pregnant, or the couple who is sick of fighting about
whose turn it is to go on top or bottom. In this position, the couple
spoons together. This position can be very intimate. Many people report
that it is a natural feeling to hug the other person and feel protected.
In fact, some people find this position so relaxing that after
intercourse, they fall asleep in this position. Ok, but how does this
position actually work? Generally, the person with a penis is in back,
but it could be done the other way around. When the woman is in front,
to make her vagina easily accessible for penetration should tilt her
pelvis back and stomach forward. The person from behind slides his
penis/dildo in from behind. This, position is like the doggie-styled
position, except that both people are lying down. Now that you know some
cool moves, remember the key to success is communication coupled with a
bit of variation. Sex, like dancing, if always done the same way, can
get boring. If you normally prefer to have sex in the morning, try
having sex at night. If you normally have sex on the bottom, try
standing up. If you like to have sex in bed, go hot tubbing and have sex
in the hot tub. Change whatever you are doing. Catch your partner by
surprise. The most boring thing in the world is if you can predict what
your partner will do. If you find yourself never initiating sex,
initiate it 4 times in one day. If you find yourself always instigating
sex, then stop for two weeks and see how your partner reacts to changing
her/his role. For that matter, if you always begin being sexually
intimate by kissing first, play with her/his toes first. If you normally
start touching the genital area, start by giving a backrub, which will
turn into a front rub. Change is the most critical part here. Anything
different is an improvement. For example: · Blindfold and tie one
person's hands together. Then ask the person without use of their hands
or eyes to explore your body. · Use foods, such as strawberries, whipped
cream, chocolate or honey and spread them out over each other's body. ·
Create a romantic atmosphere in the bathroom (candles, music, and
bubbles) and take a long luxurious bath. Wash each other from head to
toe. After both of you are thoroughly relaxed and cleansed, start
touching each other with your lips. Begin by sucking on each other's
right toes and work you way all the way up to the left tip of their
right finger.
submitted on 6/3/2004 by
chiron123 |
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